What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 19:39
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What stood as a symbol of Hollywood glamor and elegance?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Can you wash a dog with washing liquid used for humans?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Derek Jeter Shares Brutal Reality for Yankees After Dodgers Loss - Sports Illustrated
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was 9 years of age.
We all went to grammer schools
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One cannot live in the past .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Isn’t freedom of speech and expression an absolute right?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The U.S. hasn’t seen a new confirmed human bird flu case in nearly 4 months — why? - Yahoo
Was to survive, this bastard.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What are the best sunscreens for oily skin available in India?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Is The Last of Us Part 2 really as woke as people say it is?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I waited trembling.
What are some cute stories with your crush?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He knew the spot.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why is my crush beautiful to me but not to others?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I don,t even have a pension.
Is it normal to hate my dog, but feel too guilty to get rid of him?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I said to her
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She wouldn,t have been !
My life is so biszare .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My family never makes their pension either.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And i lived it daily.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She found it foreign!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im still living with it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
All the time i was locked up.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Put me off passion for life!!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ive learnt so much.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We were not on the streets..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But, we were locked up after school.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was in good health!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He resisted the act ,that day.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I write beautiful poetry .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But ive been too sick for many years..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So whats the point in blame.
I will be 64.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Would this be the day?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She married twice! .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was scared of men, in general
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Comes on , in middle age.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I couldn’t, believe it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But it wasn’t much.
What did i know ?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was seconnd youngest,
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She loved him until the end.
So, i spoilt her more .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was very sick at this time too.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
When she asked me how she looked .
I think the readers, may guess!
This is soul school!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
It was going to be , some day.
I have no regrets .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!